i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
