Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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