I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
