he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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