Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
