my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
