I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
