My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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