My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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