I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
