the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he puts the penis in happiness.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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