Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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