I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
