oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
