Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
