I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
