the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
