someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
