The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
