i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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