can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
