Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
