you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
