I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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