Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you would pick up someone in the library
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
