My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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