Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
