My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize