She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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