I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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