omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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