sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
