You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Let's get the cat blown out
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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