Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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