Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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