In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
