and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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