i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
3 2 1 whiskey
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
