3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
