you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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