I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
