I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
