I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
