he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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