forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize