please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
