So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
