Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
