pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
