So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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