After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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