I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
