He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
