Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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