I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
