I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
