I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
