I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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