You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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