Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
