I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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