i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
