He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She swung at the pinata with crutches
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
