my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
