So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
