That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
