at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
