So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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