I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
