you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
