The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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