You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
wanna go halves on a baby?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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