I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
