Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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